Extending Grace

My New  Normal #7

Extending Grace

This week I was reminded – humbly reminded – that sometimes we all need to extend grace to those around us.

One of my students suffers from a few learning disorders and we are still in the process of trying to diagnose all of them. We were in the middle of a vocabulary lesson and I had asked him to write five original sentences from a list. He could not copy the words and write the sentences, try as he might, he just couldn’t do it. I found myself repeating the instructions to him, over and over, and I finally realized, “Kim, he isn’t refusing to do it, he simply cannot do it. You need to help him and change your expectations, or else you both are going to have a melt-down.” Once I changed the assignment and helped him, he got the work done and everyone was happy.

Later that day, I had to get some blood work done. I went to the “drawing station” (their name for it, not mine) close to my house. I have been there several times and am friendly with the staff. When I got there, it was a new shift and I did not know the women working behind the counter. The station is usually run with military-style precision and I am never there more than 20 minutes. After waiting 15 minutes, they called the woman sitting next to me, and I knew I would be there longer than anticipated. Once I was finally called, I realized why they were so behind. There were only two women working and for one of the women, it was her first day on the job (not as a phlebotomist – just at this office) and she was learning the computer system, filing system, and labeling system – all at once. After we were done at the check-in counter, they realized my billing information was wrong and it needed to be updated. I was getting antsy and angry (I needed to pick up Sloane from daycare),  the “usual” staff had changed it three weeks ago, why can’t they find the new info?  After a few deep breaths, I remembered that just two weeks ago, it was my first day on a job, with a whole new way of doing things. An attitude check was needed, quickly!

Humbled, I stood at the counter as the tech re-entered my information and made more copies of my insurance card. I thought of my students, who had to get used to me learning how “they do things” in class and learning how to follow three class schedules all at once.  No one complained that I hadn’t graded their papers as fast or that I was late in giving their usual assessments. They had been very patient with me and I needed to show that same patience to the tech.

All in all, I was there for almost an hour; I picked up Sloane and learned I had just missed a fire drill, so it didn’t matter that I was running late.  She was having fun outside anyway.

As we get closer to the frenzy of Thanksgiving and Christmas, I am hoping that I remember these lessons as I shop, teach, drive, and work with others.  I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, filled with love, peace, and grace!

Why are you laughing?

My New Normal  #5

Why are you laughing?

When my grandmother died in 2000, we had to have two funerals for her. She lived nine months out of the year in Arizona and three months out of the year in New Jersey, splitting her time between her two daughters and her grandchildren. She had many friends in each state and there was no way just one service would suffice.  After we arrived in New Jersey, for the second service, my mom turned to me and told me, “We really need to find something funny about all of this, or else we are all going to have a meltdown.” Trying to find humor in the midst of a funeral (for your grandmother no less) was almost impossible. Then the funeral director invited us into the viewing room to see her  before the other guests arrived. (You need to know that Grandma had naturally wavy hair, when she arrived in NJ each summer, her hair curled into tight, poufy curls. Usually, just as the plane touched down, her hair curled right up.)  When we were escorted into the room, we all started laughing. Why? Turns out you can have bad hair days, even when you are dead, because Grandma had a post-mortem afro.

From this experience, I learned that in life’s really awful experiences, it is wise to try to find some humor in them – otherwise, it is very easy to look like you are the lead anchor in the nightly “Gloom and Doom Report.”

For example, when the court clerk confirmed that my divorce was in fact final, I spontaneously said, “I LOVE YOU!!” to her; then we both started laughing, thus sealing the end of a painful part of my life with a big smile.

When I got remarried and moved to the Midwest from Scottsdale, I was excited to live in a climate that had all four seasons; instead of “hot and not hot.” No one thought to tell me about the tornado drills though. So, one rainy July afternoon, the sirens started blazing and I cowered in my basement with my dog, frantically calling my husband – who was in Detroit – asking him what I should do. He told me to check the TV news – which told me that it might rain that afternoon. About an hour later he called me back and calmly told me about monthly drills – after a few seconds, we both started laughing (but I still jump when those sirens go off).  I think this story has become canonized amongst McGuire family members.

When I wrote my birth plan, I was warned to keep it short and simple. Mine was, “Drugs please.” I was not disappointed.

Moving four times in two years, cross country, you learn that packing up your stuff and loading it into a moving truck is nothing more than a gigantic game of Tetris; and you don’t get to move up a level if you make it all fit the first time.

A few days ago, I had to put my “find the humor in this” theory into practice, with the help of my exceptional sister-in-law, Mindi.

I was a few weeks pregnant and I started spotting. After a panicky visit to the doctor, I was put on medication and told to “take it easy” for two weeks, until my next visit. About a week later, the spotting turned into heavy bleeding. I was working with my Mindi that day, I told her what was happening, and she drove me to the ultrasound clinic, where the worst was confirmed. She then took me to her house, fed me, and entertained me all evening. The next day, my doctor prescribed some medication that would “help the process along.” Because the medication had serious side effects, I was not allowed to be alone. Mindi  took a half day at work, bought me some “supplies” and kept me company until my husband could get home. Amongst the supplies she got me were Depends. At first, I thought, “Are you serious? It is not gonna be that bad!!” Then she looked at my face and said, “You know, sometimes there comes a time when you know it will be bad and you just don’t care any more.  These are here if you need them.” She left it at that.

A few hours later, I shuffled out of the bathroom, holding the dreaded disposable undies. I looked at her, we shared a knowing look, and we both started laughing – so hard that we started crying. Then I asked her, “Do you know if the red dot goes in the front or in the back? I assume it is the back.” The hysterics continued. 

The past few weeks have been tough, but my mind keeps coming back to that pastel package of grown up “pull-ups.” And that stupid red dot. If it wasn’t for them, Mindi, and a deep desire to find humor in a dreadful situation, I would most likely be a walking zombie.  While I am not looking forward to my next move, tornado season, or exciting “life experience,” I know that it is going to wind up as a good story, hopefully with a funny ending.

Mutterings of a Toddler Mama

My New Normal #6

Things I wish I knew…for moms of toddlers

Note: I am doing this as a list, similar to an assignment I had in a writing class last week.

Your child will develop a craving for some fruit or vegetable in its opposite season (and refuse to eat anything else), thus forcing you to pay an obscene amount of money for strawberries, oranges, tomatoes, apples, avocados, bananas, etc..

You can try to feed your child wholesome, healthy foods, but sooner or later, they will discover cake, chocolate, soda, and candy. Just embrace this and be thankful that you can tell them the goodies are “asleep right now” and they believe you.

There are three types of parents who take their kids to playgrounds: the “helicopter” parent who hovers over their child and makes sure no dirt (or harm) comes near their child; the parent who both plays with his/her child and lets them discover the playground on his/her own; and the parent who brings the child to the playground, plops down, brings out the smart phone/laptop/book and totally ignores their child until other parents point out that the kid is running away, bleeding, naked, or totally out of control. Eventually, this parent either gets shunned (by the other parents) or is involved in some sort of altercation with a “helicopter parent” and is rarely seen again.

On play dates and picnics, it does not matter what kind of food you bring, your bundle of joy will want whatever the other moms bring and will refuse to eat anything you have.

Daylight savings time means nothing to your child. They will wake up and go to sleep whenever they want.

You can never sing “Old McDonald, Itsy Bitsy Spider, the ABC song, or Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” too many times.

The first time your kiddo says “I wuv you Mama!”  your heart will melt and you may cry. This is totally normal.

Your child will get sick at the worst moment possible, and most likely, it will be all over your favorite or most expensive outfit.

If you have a pet, your child will at some time eat the dog’s/cat’s/bird’s/etc. food.

Your child will be able to operate your phone better and faster than you. There is a good chance they will also “hide it” aka lose it a few times too.

“Date night” may transform from a movie and dinner out into grocery shopping with a stop at a drive thru. But don’t worry, you can still work your mojo in the frozen section.

Please and Thank you will eventually become part of your child’s vocabulary, and they will use them to melt your heart.

Someone in your child’s daycare will come down with a strange disease with symptoms like fever and diarrhea, and you will spend a week trying to analyze every diaper and checking temperatures.

 It is ok when your child has a total meltdown in church, at the grocery store, at Target, etc. Every kid does it sooner or later and if some mom gives you a condescending look, give her one right back.

Your child will become obsessed with a television show you find mind numbing and redundant. Said show will most likely be on during one of your favorite shows, in which case, you get to watch your DVR fill up faster than you knew possible.

No matter how hard/difficult/long your day was, a smile and hug from your munchkin will make it all melt away.

I’ll bet you can add a few words of wisdom here too. Be sure to pass them on to your friends, listen to theirs as well. But before you do, be sure to tell them about that booger petrified onto their shirt.