Mutterings of a Toddler Mama

My New Normal #6

Things I wish I knew…for moms of toddlers

Note: I am doing this as a list, similar to an assignment I had in a writing class last week.

Your child will develop a craving for some fruit or vegetable in its opposite season (and refuse to eat anything else), thus forcing you to pay an obscene amount of money for strawberries, oranges, tomatoes, apples, avocados, bananas, etc..

You can try to feed your child wholesome, healthy foods, but sooner or later, they will discover cake, chocolate, soda, and candy. Just embrace this and be thankful that you can tell them the goodies are “asleep right now” and they believe you.

There are three types of parents who take their kids to playgrounds: the “helicopter” parent who hovers over their child and makes sure no dirt (or harm) comes near their child; the parent who both plays with his/her child and lets them discover the playground on his/her own; and the parent who brings the child to the playground, plops down, brings out the smart phone/laptop/book and totally ignores their child until other parents point out that the kid is running away, bleeding, naked, or totally out of control. Eventually, this parent either gets shunned (by the other parents) or is involved in some sort of altercation with a “helicopter parent” and is rarely seen again.

On play dates and picnics, it does not matter what kind of food you bring, your bundle of joy will want whatever the other moms bring and will refuse to eat anything you have.

Daylight savings time means nothing to your child. They will wake up and go to sleep whenever they want.

You can never sing “Old McDonald, Itsy Bitsy Spider, the ABC song, or Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” too many times.

The first time your kiddo says “I wuv you Mama!”  your heart will melt and you may cry. This is totally normal.

Your child will get sick at the worst moment possible, and most likely, it will be all over your favorite or most expensive outfit.

If you have a pet, your child will at some time eat the dog’s/cat’s/bird’s/etc. food.

Your child will be able to operate your phone better and faster than you. There is a good chance they will also “hide it” aka lose it a few times too.

“Date night” may transform from a movie and dinner out into grocery shopping with a stop at a drive thru. But don’t worry, you can still work your mojo in the frozen section.

Please and Thank you will eventually become part of your child’s vocabulary, and they will use them to melt your heart.

Someone in your child’s daycare will come down with a strange disease with symptoms like fever and diarrhea, and you will spend a week trying to analyze every diaper and checking temperatures.

 It is ok when your child has a total meltdown in church, at the grocery store, at Target, etc. Every kid does it sooner or later and if some mom gives you a condescending look, give her one right back.

Your child will become obsessed with a television show you find mind numbing and redundant. Said show will most likely be on during one of your favorite shows, in which case, you get to watch your DVR fill up faster than you knew possible.

No matter how hard/difficult/long your day was, a smile and hug from your munchkin will make it all melt away.

I’ll bet you can add a few words of wisdom here too. Be sure to pass them on to your friends, listen to theirs as well. But before you do, be sure to tell them about that booger petrified onto their shirt.